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Showmanship Tips For Beginner Singers

I'm a rank beginner when it comes to singing. I know that singers have a lot of trade secrets that I've yet to discover. I really haven't even scratched the surface. Basically, I write and lay down vocal tracks so I can jam behind myself.
That is the main reason I don't take my vocals seriously. I can't wait until they're out of the way so I can \"Get down wif my own bad self\" during the fun part of the song.
Once a sidemen, always a sideman at heart. I know a lot of singer tricks, I just can't do them, but I am gaining some attributes as I slowly progress in this new endeavor.
I'll pass what I do know on to those of you who feel even less confident than I do, if that were possible.

For these reasons, I feel I have begun to attain the earmarks of a legitimate singer.

#1 I don't come in on time
#2 I can't remember the lyrics
#3 I make up words to songs and think I'm the only one who notices
#4 I boogie around on the stage wildly swinging my microphone to the music during the instrumental. It looks so cool.
#5 I turn my back to the audience and play air guitar to the rest of the band when I'm not singing.
#6 I learned this really neat little dance step from watching grunge bands on TV. It looks something like a spastic picking up pop corn off a flight of stairs in pseudo time to the music.
#7 I've learned to get this really silly kinda stupid look on my face when I stare into the room and ask \"So What should we do next\"
#8 When I sing off key I try to get that misty eyed look on my face like a jazz singer.
#9 When I come in all wrong I just turn around and give the drummer a dirty look.
#10 I use the same look, only on the guitar player, when I start singing lyrics to the wrong song.
#11 I've learned to look lovingly at the audience as if they are applauding for me and me alone.
#12 Try to \"Moon Walk\" even if you have two left feet. Crowds eat that sh!t up. If you trip over your own feet, land in the drums. It's safer.
#13 If a hot chick enters the room, croon, no matter what the tempo
#14 Wear something that shows your fans you're not just part of the band
#15 It doesn't matter how drunk you get. The audience will still enjoy your incoherent babbling as long as you are reasonably close to pitch.
#16 If your wife sees your girlfriend walk into the club and head over to speak with your other girlfriend, just stay cool. You've been through it all before.

Just a few of the things I have been able to graft into my bag of tricks through years of being a sideman.

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