Just Joking
The Boys and I were wondering if you'd like to hear a joke, and if you had any jokes you might share?
HILLBILLY HUNTER
A hillbilly went hunting in Tennessee and bagged three ducks.
As he put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home he was confronted by an ornery Game Warden who didn't like hillbillies.
The Game Warden ordered the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and the hillbilly pulled out a valid Tennessee hunting license.
The Game Warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt and said, \"This duck ain't from Tennessee. This is a Kansas duck. You got a Kansas hunting license, boy?\"
The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Kansas hunting license.
As the Warden look at it, he reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt and said, \"This ain't no Kansas duck. This duck's from Arkansas. You got an Arkansas license?\"
The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced an Arkansas license.
The Warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt and said, \"This ain't no Arkansas duck. This here duck's from South Carolina. You got a South Carolina huntin license?\"
Again the hillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a South Carolina hunting license.
The Game Warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and yelled at the hillbilly, \"Just where the hell are you from boy?\"
The hillbilly turned around, dropped his pants, bent over and said, \"You tell me. You’re the expert!\"
HILLBILLY HUNTER
A hillbilly went hunting in Tennessee and bagged three ducks.
As he put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home he was confronted by an ornery Game Warden who didn't like hillbillies.
The Game Warden ordered the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and the hillbilly pulled out a valid Tennessee hunting license.
The Game Warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt and said, \"This duck ain't from Tennessee. This is a Kansas duck. You got a Kansas hunting license, boy?\"
The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Kansas hunting license.
As the Warden look at it, he reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt and said, \"This ain't no Kansas duck. This duck's from Arkansas. You got an Arkansas license?\"
The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced an Arkansas license.
The Warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt and said, \"This ain't no Arkansas duck. This here duck's from South Carolina. You got a South Carolina huntin license?\"
Again the hillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a South Carolina hunting license.
The Game Warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and yelled at the hillbilly, \"Just where the hell are you from boy?\"
The hillbilly turned around, dropped his pants, bent over and said, \"You tell me. You’re the expert!\"
Comments
One day, a French spy received a coded message from an American spy claiming it came directly from President Bush. It read: S370HSSV-0773H.
The spy was stumped, so he sent it to his boss at the agency. His boss was stumped too, so he sent it to the Russians for decoding.
The Russians couldn't solve it either, so they asked the Germans.
The Germans, having received this same message during WWII from the Americans, suggested turning it upside down.
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite
her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the
smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the
driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what
he had to say for himself.
The man replied, \"Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on
the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign
that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are Comin' and I grinned.\"
\"Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will
reduce the swelling', and I had to smile.
\"Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, \"William's Big
Stick Did the Trick\", and I could hardly contain myself.\"
\"BUT, your Honor, when She moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that
said, \"Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident'.. I just lost
it.\"
\"CASE DISMISSED!!\"
The trailer's level.
Nowonder hillbilly women are some of the most level headed any where in the world.
Do you know why you should walk a mile in a man's shoes before criticizing?
That way before you criticize, you'll be a mile down the road, plus you'll have his shoes.
Maybe that's why so many hillbillies are barefoot.
A sister that can run faster than her brothers.
Ouch!!!
The sausage replies \"F**k me, a talking egg!\"
Double ouch!!!
A man scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive woman standing alone. He approached her and asked her name.
\"My name is Carmen,\" she told him.
\"That's a beautiful name,\" he said. \"Is it a family name?\"
\"No,\" she replied. \"I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most - cars and men.\"
\"What's your name?\" she asked.
\"Beertits,\" he said.
The National Poetry Contest had come down to two, a Yale graduate and a redneck from Texas. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was “Timbuktu.”
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan;
Men on camels, two by two
Destination Timbuktu.
The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:
Me and Tim a huntin’ went.
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
So the nuns got their paint ready. Wondering how to not get a drop of paint of their clothes, one came up with the idea that they would take off their clothes, so they wouldn't spill paint on them.
This worked well, and after awhile, they heard a knock at the door. Fearing that it would be the leader nun, they asked: \"Who is it?\"
\"Blind man\" the person replied.
They thought that no harm would be done allowing a blind man into the room so they opened the door and the man said: \"Nice b@@bs. Where do you want your blinds?\"